Speaking from the Heart

Note: This was first published in January 2008

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Not until I studied Beth Moore's When Godly People do Ungodly Things, Did I learned that Satan has to get permission to launch a full-scale attack on God's Children (Job 1:12)? God sometimes allows Satan to sift us, because we have something that needs sifting.

I am thankful for the sifting in my life. Please read on to see how the sifting drew me closer to the LORD.

“Here I am ! I stand at the door, and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in…. Rev. 3:20

I can’t tell you how many times Jesus knocked on my door. I opened the door and stood at the threshold talking to Jesus. From our conversations, I knew His love for me is endless. Even though I wanted Him to come in, I withheld. I felt like I was in a cult. I believe this had to do with the Jim Jones Cult. As you recall, he gave his followers poisoned kool-aid. At a young age, that made a big impression on me. Instead of talking to my parents, I tried to figure it out on my own. I walked away from God for many years.

After sending my son to a Christian school, I realized that I must raise my children in a Christian home. I returned to church, made some new friends, and started to have a relationship with God. However, the feeling of being in a cult was still in the back of my mind. Again, each time Jesus knocked, I cordially answered, but did not invite Him in.

I realized how big God is when I had an emergency gall bladder operation. The doctor said that if I had waited for one more day, I would have died, because my other organs were beginning to fail. I knew many of my church members and friends prayed for my recovery. After my recovery, I thanked the Lord for allowing me to continue my job as a mom, a wife, a sister, and a daughter. Jesus came knocking at my door. I hurriedly answered the door and invited Him in.

I sensed that Satan was not happy. He tried everything to steer me from our Father. Satan and I had many battles, but I refused to let him control my life. The almost non-existent Home school Organization was the last straw. Satan was very happy. He had beaten me again.

Note: Before Beth Moore's Bible Study, I thought it was all Satan's doing. However, I now realize that Our Father has given Satan permission to attack/sift me. Thank you, Lord.

This is where my growth in Christianity came to a full circle. After announcing my resignation, there was so much hatred and hurt in me. I believed I was right, and everyone was wrong. I thought was in control. Those whom I called friends stopped calling me or felt awkward being around me. I stopped going to home school activities. I became isolated and revengeful.

When Jesus came knocking on my door, I stood at the door, and asked Him. “Lord, where are those so-called Christian friends? I thought they were supposed to support me in my despair hour.” What I didn’t know at the time was my friends were praying for me. They were calling on Him for guidance, listening to Him, and obeying Him. He told them to leave me alone. I needed that time to call on Him, to listen to His wisdom, and to obey His command.

The first thing he told me to do was to start apologizing to those I have hurt.
“Do you mean I have to apologize to so & so?” I asked.
“Yes, “He said.
“Her too?” I asked.
“Her too,” He replied.
It was hard at first, but I got to witness the true meaning of forgiveness. The first time I returned to the park, an old friend came up to me, hugged me, and said, “I missed you. Welcome back.” That sincere gesture made me want to open my door wide and let Jesus resides in my heart eternally.

Thank you, Lord for your endless love and forgiveness.