Speaking from the Heart

This month's challange is to tell how we can celebrate Valentine's Day  365 days a year.

Don't go to bed with an angry heart

• Having had a long distance relationship put our marriage in perspective. When Jeff and I have a disagreement and we don't talk for hours, I think back when we were apart  for 2 years. My perpective changes completely, because I am so grateful that I get to see his smiling  face everyday. In addition, we don't allow ourselves to go to bed angry. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. " Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV)

Give more than 50%

• Sometimes it's 60-40, or even 70-30. Always serve with an open and unselfish  heart. Although I don't drink coffee, I would make a  pot every morning, before Jeff awakes. Likewise,  he works long hours so that I can stay home and take care of our children.

Accept and respect one another 

•  I married Jeff for whom he is, and not for an intention to change him. On occassions, I would love to receive roses. However, I know that's not Jeff. He gave me 6 roses one time, because I nagged him enough about it. I realized he didn't give them with open heart, but out of duty. I quit nagging after that. So now, when he gives me something, I know it's coming from his heart, i.e. he surprised me with a new Camry for Valentine's Day 2005.

Play Scrabble

• I know that might sound weird, but that is how we get reconnected at the end of the day. While the T.V. is playing in the background and our kids are doing whatever, Jeff and I would sit at the dining room table trying to outscore one another  and often flirting with one other.

Trust

• Lastly and most importantly is trust. It is the foundation of our marriage.

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  Cut back on eating out
  
  
  
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  Double my recipe, especially if I need to use the oven . In the end, I'll have two meals. One for now, and one for next week.
  
  
  
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  Turn my A/C thermostadt to 79 degrees or higher.
  
  
  
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  Plan outings accordingly: doctor's appointment, grocery shopping, kids' activities
  
  
  
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  Take advantage of Mom's unlimited cellular phone calling plan. Mom usually calls me. If I need to talk to her, I would call her, let it ring 3 times and hang up. This is her cue to return my call.
  
  
  
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  Don't be too proud to ask for scholarships. Minnie wanted to take an acting class, but I couldn't afford the payment. The teacher and I made a deal where I do her paperwork, while Minnie takes her acting class.
  
  
  
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  Compare prices at the Grocery store . While Minnie and DH were shopping for cool whip at a local store, they realized that it was cheaper to purchase 2 small containers of coolwhip, rather than purchasing a large container
  
  
  
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  Buy snacks when it is "buy one get one
  
  
  
free"
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  Since we have to cut back on our spending, my husband and I thought it was important to also decrease the kids' allowances
  
  
  
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  I try to stay home more. Since we have to be out of the house on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays, I don't leave the house on Mondays, Fridays, and Saturdays (unless its an emerency).
  
  
  

Did God encourage you as you planned ways to encourage your husband? Were there difficult days where you simply needed to trust that God was working? Days when it was hard to leave the results to God? Remember that God is faithful, and He will bless you for your willingness to obey Him. His ways are not our ways, and perhaps He will honor you in ways you do not expect, but one thing is sure - you will never be the same because of your commitment to be more like Christ!

What kinds of victories have you experienced in your home since you started the "30-Day Encouragement Challenge"? Would you take a moment to share?

By Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Published by Revive Our Hearts, © 2005. Permission granted to photocopy in the exact form, including copyright. All other uses require written permission.
Revive Our Hearts * P.O. Box 2000, Niles, MI 49120 * 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge for Wives

Friends can be completely honest with each other, but friendships are strained when truth is not spoken in love. How are you speaking to your beloved? Are you so "used" to him that you don't appreciate the wonder of his friendship? That is your challenge today.

Is your sweetheart your best friend? Does he know this? Have you told him, or do you assume he "just knows"?

Friendship is something that is cultivated through the good times and the bad. Friends can share their hearts, but they don't step on each other's hearts.

The way to have and be a good friend is to cultivate and celebrate the relationship. As you end this "30-Day Encouragement Challenge," celebrate your friendship with your husband. Get alone and reflect on your beloved friend. Write him a letter, listing the qualities you admire and appreciate about him. If you are creative with words, write and frame a poem about him.

Perhaps you can prepare a special meal, just for the two of you, and read the letter or poem to him. Ask if you can pray for him, and if he is willing, thank God for your love and friendship, asking for His blessing on your home.

Encouragement, as you have seen these past 30 days, is a synonym for love in action.

By Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Published by Revive Our Hearts, © 2005. Permission granted to photocopy in the exact form, including copyright. All other uses require written permission.
Revive Our Hearts * P.O. Box 2000, Niles, MI 49120 * 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge for Wives

As you near the end of your Encouragement Challenge, take time to think about your husband's responses to the wickedness of the culture, the media, etc. Does your husband recognize and avoid evil? Does he regularly turn his back on pornography, sexual temptations, and the urge to lie and cheat?

This is a valuable character trait. Like Joseph in the Old Testament, who fled from the wicked advances of Potiphar's wife, this takes an understanding that these kinds of sins are first and foremost, sins against God (Gen. 39:9).

Praise your husband when he recognizes and turns his back on wickedness. If you can think of a circumstance where your husband stood for righteousness, remind him of that today-and express your gratitude.

By Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Published by Revive Our Hearts, © 2005. Permission granted to photocopy in the exact form, including copyright. All other uses require written permission.
Revive Our Hearts * P.O. Box 2000, Niles, MI 49120 * 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge for Wives

Sometimes, when we just "know" we are right and our husbands are wrong, it takes great humility to honor them. It is difficult to speak well of our husbands when our own hearts are puffed up with pride.

As part of your Encouragement Challenge today, pray that you will respond to the Lord in faith and humility before you react to your husband. Speak wisely and well, and leave the results to God.

The humility that comes from a right relationship with God - the humility that comes when a man is willing to listen to God and be taught from His Word - is indeed a beautiful quality. Jesus was an example of this kind of humility when he was willing to submit to His Father's will (John 6:38; Matt. 26:39).

Does your husband have that kind of humility? Is he willing to learn from and submit to direction from the Lord? Let your husband know how precious this is to your marriage relationship.

By Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Published by Revive Our Hearts, © 2005. Permission granted to photocopy in the exact form, including copyright. All other uses require written permission.
Revive Our Hearts * P.O. Box 2000, Niles, MI 49120 * 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge for Wives

You have almost completed the "30-Day Encouragement Challenge." Perhaps it has taken you a tremendous amount of courage to speak words of encouragement consistently to your husband. Courage comes as we place our trust in God. Have faith that God will continue to work long after your encouraging words have been shared.

There are lots of "tough guys" in the world, but true courage comes from the Lord. Does your husband exhibit the courage to take an unpopular stand, perhaps even to stand alone against evil? Is he courageous in his faith? Does he work hard to change injustice? Is he a stickler for the truth? Does he protect you or your family from the attacks of the Enemy?

Psalm 27:14 says this kind of courage comes from "waiting" on the Lord for His strength. If your budget allows, "award" your husband with a medal, trophy, framed picture of a brave knight, or some other token that represents his courage as a man of God. Praise evidences of your husband's courage in protecting you, your marriage, your family, or your home.

By Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Published by Revive Our Hearts, © 2005. Permission granted to photocopy in the exact form, including copyright. All other uses require written permission.
Revive Our Hearts * P.O. Box 2000, Niles, MI 49120 * 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge for Wives

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." Is. 26:3

Before you consider whether these verses describe your husband, consider your own presence in the home. Do you promote an atmosphere of peace, or do critical words often flow from your mouth? Do you struggle with anger? If so, before you continue with your Encouragement Challenge, confess these sinful habits to the Lord, and determine to speak words of peace to your family today.

Does your husband bring an atmosphere of peace into your home? Is his presence a calming influence? Does he bring music, entertainment, books or people into your home that build a sense of serenity? Let him know how much you appreciate this wonderful quality, and support his choices.

If, on the other hand, he is quickly angered or he creates chaos rather than calm, ask God to give you an abundance of the kind of peace that will speak to his heart. Be patient and loving. Create an inviting atmosphere of peace, as much as possible.

By Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Published by Revive Our Hearts, © 2005. Permission granted to photocopy in the exact form, including copyright. All other uses require written permission.
Revive Our Hearts * P.O. Box 2000, Niles, MI 49120 * 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge for Wives

".... but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." Eph. 6:4

Children can be quite a challenge to the marriage relationship. A wise wife will support her husband's leadership in the home as much as possible, and will praise him for his fathering skills. Negativity makes a man feel like a failure, and may make him to want to give up.

Does your husband discipline your children wisely? Does he show them love and encourage them? Does he take an interest in their activities and dreams? Does he spend time with them? Does he take part in developing their character? Praise him for these important life skills.

If you don't have children - is your husband positive and encouraging around other people's children? Let him know that you have noticed.

If your husband does not experience positive relationships with children, you will need to figure out why. Perhaps he had negative experiences as a child with his own parents, and needs to learn how to respond. Perhaps you can lovingly and patiently show him how to parent - while still maintaining his authority in the home.

Copyright Revive Our Hearts. Written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Used with permission. http://reviveourhearts.com/.

You're moving toward the home stretch of your 30-day challenge! Just a reminder of what you've committed:

"You can't say anything negative about your husband... to your husband...or to anyone else, about your husband. "Each day, say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband...to your husband...and to someone else, about your husband!

"In all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works..." Titus 2:7a

Does the "30-Day Encouragement Challenge" seem like hard work? Or is it becoming a pleasant exercise in genuine Christ-likeness in your home? You are only scratching the surface of ways to encourage your mate.

Is your husband organized? Is he diligent? Is he persistent? These are all related to a pattern of personal disciplines that are worthy of your praise. Affirm him for one or more of these traits that you see in him.

Some men have not developed these qualities because they are naturally more spontaneous. You can praise his spontaneity! Perhaps God has called you alongside to help him with disciplines he has not yet developed - but this does not include nagging. You can keep him organized.

Whatever the need, you can be your husband's cheerleader, encouraging him when he wants to give up.

Copyright Revive Our Hearts. Written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Used with permission. http://reviveourhearts.com/.

Focus today on how you represent your husband in your home, your church, and your community. In this challenge to encourage, ask: "If all my family and friends knew about my husband came from a filter of what I've said about him, what would they think of my husband?" Do you need to change the filter?

Do you talk positively about your husband to others... or do you complain and criticize? Your speech should reflect 1 Cor. 13 love. Your words should be kind, and should never "rejoice in iniquity" (v. 6). Refrain from listing your husband's faults to others. Satan likes to trick us in this area - be wary of sharing barbed "prayer requests."

Remember, "Love will cover a multitude of sins" (1 Pet. 4:8b). Present your husband before others today in a strong, positive manner. Slip in a "good word" for your spouse. Resist the urge to correct or belittle him in front of others. Some of what you say may come back to him - and you want your words to be sweet, building him up and never tearing him down.

Don't forget: you are always criticizing - or encouraging - before an audience. God hears your conversations when you are alone with your husband in your own home. May your speech be always seasoned with grace.

While you are considering how your speech can reflect the grace of the Lord in your husband's life, don't forget that your words can also encourage others. When you share what God is doing in your life through this "30-Day Encouragement Challenge", others will be blessed. Perhaps other wives will be moved to take up this challenge.

Please take a few minutes and comment on how you are doing with the challange.

Copyright Revive Our Hearts. Written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Used with permission. http://reviveourhearts.com/.

and all these things shall be added to you." Matt. 6:33

If we are living in light of eternity, everything we think, do or say is seen from an eternal perspective. We will someday give an account for our failure to speak words of love and encouragement. Determine today that your words will be sweet and helpful.

Does your husband have an eternal perspective that allows him to reject materialism and temporal values? Express your gratefulness for his value system, and praise him for putting eternal things before riches and other things of this world.

If this is a problem area for him, consider how you might alter your own value system and live for eternity in front of him, encouraging him to do the same. Only two things will go into eternity...the Word of God and people. Be sure that you are focusing on the right things.
Copyright Revive Our Hearts. Written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Used with permission. http://reviveourhearts.com/.

tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you." Eph. 4:32

It's time for some heart examination. As you continue in this 30-day challenge, have you found any roots of bitterness that are contaminating your relationship with your husband? Do you understand that as long as you are unwilling to forgive your husband - by God's grace and in His power - you will not be able to encourage him? Your own resentment will keep getting in the way. Now is the time to deal with any unforgiving attitudes. Forgive him, even as God has forgiven you.

Is your husband a forgiving man? Does he keep short accounts of your problems? Express your thankfulness for such a man.

Does your husband - rightly or wrongly - harbor grudges against you? Again, are there things you need to change, or do you need to ask for his forgiveness for an offense? Help your husband be more forgiving by quickly forgiving him for his mistakes.

Copyright Revive Our Hearts. Written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Used with permission. http://reviveourhearts.com/.

Read this description of a wife's description of her beloved - Song of Solomon 5:10-16

Almost nothing is as devastating to a man as the belief that his wife finds him repulsive. Sadly, many women unwisely criticize their husbands' bodies.

Have you ever considered how wonderfully God designed men and women? No matter how a man looks - by the standards of the world - a loving God designed them all, and they are all "beautiful" in His sight. Encourage your husband today by praising his uniqueness.

As you look over your husband's body, from the tip of his toes to his bald or bushy head, thank God that your husband is "wonderfully made," then admire your husband verbally. (Strong arms? Hairy chest? Firm hands? Big feet? Rugged chin? Wide shoulders? Compassionate eyes? Broad smile?)

Copyright Revive Our Hearts. Written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Used with permission. http://reviveourhearts.com/.

"You will show me the path of life. In your presence is fullness of joy...Happy are the people whose God is the LORD!" Ps. 16:11a; 144:15b

It's hard to criticize others when we are enjoying their company. Instead of speaking negatively to your husband today, enjoy him! Encourage him! As you experience fullness of joy with God, share some of that joy with your husband.

Does your husband have a playful side? A great sense of humor? Is there a "little boy" that wants to escape from time to time, reflecting the joy in his heart?

This is a wonderful part of who he is, and a great strength. Let him know that you appreciate his joyfulness and his playful spirit. Find opportunities to join him in positive play times.

If your husband can sometimes be overly serious, coax him out occasionally for some play times. It will help him relieve stress and relax.

Is your husband serious, playful, or a little bit of both? How do you coax him to be less serious and more playful?

Copyright Revive Our Hearts. Written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Used with permission. http://reviveourhearts.com/.

and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." Prov. 9:10

Are you a wise woman? Do you open your mouth with wisdom, as Proverbs 31:26 suggests? As you continue in your 30-day challenge, remember that a wise woman encourages her husband.

Is your husband a "wise man?" Does he have a godly perspective that comes from knowing God and walking with Him in obedience? Does he have a sense of purpose for his life and vision for your home? Tell him how much this means to you.

If you are not sure about your husband's vision for your home, ask him, "Honey, what do you want to accomplish with our marriage and home in the years to come?" and "How can I help you accomplish that?" If he does not have a vision, your questions may inspire him to develop one.

If your husband is not walking with God - or perhaps, does not know the Lord - you have the opportunity and responsibility to practice your faith and create a thirst for God. Thank God for giving your husband a place in his heart that only He can fill, and keep praying that he will turn to the Lord to fill that vacuum!

Copyright Revive Our Hearts. Written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Used with permission. http://reviveourhearts.com/.

"I will make him a helper comparable to him." Genesis 2:18

God says that it is not good for man to be alone. But the way some women criticize their mates, the husbands may long for solitude. Be careful today not to criticize your mate, but look for ways to encourage him personally and publicly.

Speaking of communication, does your husband communicate with you? God has made you a companion and helper for your husband, and part of being "one flesh" with him is the privilege of sharing and discussing personal needs and concerns. Thank God for that wonderful gift. Thank your husband for communicating with you.

If your spouse does not communicate as you wish, look for ways that he communicates that are normal for him - smiling at you, nodding his head, even a pleasant "grunt!" - and then thank him for letting you know that he cares. Perhaps he needs to be lovingly taught how to communicate. Be patient with him...and listen when he does speak.

Copyright Revive Our Hearts. Written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Used with permission. http://reviveourhearts.com/.

Sometimes we live so close to our spouse that we fail to see him as others do; we only see our husband's faults. But take a step back. Perhaps he is growing spiritually in ways you have failed to appreciate. How can you encourage his growth in a fresh, new way? Remember - your husband is accountable to God for his spiritual development. You are accountable to God to encourage and not hinder that growth.

Can you identify an area of spiritual strength in your husband? Does he pray or read his Bible regularly? Does he like to read about or discuss spiritual matters? Does he go to church with you? Is he a spiritual leader? What do others say about him? If you can identify a specific area, praise him for that.

If not, pray earnestly that God will work in his heart, and watch for signs of spiritual growth in the future.

Copyright Revive Our Hearts. Written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Used with permission. http://reviveourhearts.com/.

Every week there are news reports about men who gave in to temptations and compromised what they said they believed. We hear countless reports about dishonest business dealings, hidden infidelity, and hypocritical leaders. It's so easy to focus on these things and ignore those who are being honest, faithful and genuine. As you continue in the "30-Day Encouragement Challenge," determine to look for ways that your husband stands against the culture.

Is your spouse a man of integrity? Is he fair in his dealings with people? Does he understand the meaning of justice? Is he honest in business? Unhypocritical in his faith? Consider all the ways a man can live in integrity, and praise your husband for one of them.

As you have the opportunity - as it is appropriate - share examples of your husband's honesty and integrity with others.

Copyright Revive Our Hearts. Written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Used with permission. http://reviveourhearts.com/.